Smile!

[Bob Denman]

http://www.thorforums.com/forums/att...1&d=1572533638

[Bob Denman]

http://www.thorforums.com/forums/att...1&d=1572802286

[Bob Denman]

Which events tripped you up?
(I hit the Tri-Fecta... )


http://www.thorforums.com/forums/att...1&d=1573240275

[Bob Denman]

With all of thw arm weather the Winter: thoughts have turned to "Sugar-bushes & Sap-houses".

http://www.thorforums.com/forums/att...1&d=1579028811

[The_Breeze]

Originally Posted by Bob Denman

http://www.thorforums.com/forums/att...1&d=1572802286

Originally Posted by Bob Denman

Which events tripped you up?
(I hit the Tri-Fecta... )


http://www.thorforums.com/forums/att...1&d=1573240275

Originally Posted by Bob Denman

With all of thw arm weather the Winter: thoughts have turned to "Sugar-bushes & Sap-houses".

http://www.thorforums.com/forums/att...1&d=1579028811

you're a very sick man...

[Bob Denman]

http://www.thorforums.com/forums/att...1&d=1579094512

[Bob Denman]

https://www.thorforums.com/forums/at...1&d=1582897628

[Mr Sunshine]

Quarantini-It's just a regular martini, but you drink it alone in your house.

[Mr Sunshine]

Several cases of Corona found at a nearby grocery!

[Bob Denman]

[Mr Sunshine]

Oh no! Corona has mutated! Can this be good?

[GVP-The Boxcar Children]

"Depressing daily news" from January looks like a walk in the park compared to today. Everyone stay safe please!

GVP

[Bob Denman]

Originally Posted by Mr Sunshine

Oh no! Corona has mutated! Can this be good?
Attachment 23061

[Bob Denman]

My body has absorbed so much soap and water, hand sanitizer
and disinfectant that when I pee it cleans the toilet....

[fhenn]

I have washed my hands so many times, the the answers to a test I took in 1960 have re surfaced

[mcr1010]

Bob & Frank; Did I see you two on the Johnny Carson show?

[Bob Denman]

We aim to please...

[The_Breeze]

Originally Posted by Mr Sunshine

Oh no! Corona has mutated! Can this be good?
Attachment 23061

YOU BET!!!! Bring it on! Just have a sufficient number of limes.

Oh, what the hell. Who heeds limes...

[Bob Denman]

We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few
months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically
in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me I
got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of
the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply
had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long
ground rod, and drove it 7.5 feet into the ground. The
ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground,
the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6
hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying
out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the
charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down
to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I
hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my
right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other
hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine
battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on
the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my 'manhood" trying to climb up the
front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could
feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my
brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I
could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with
the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of crap
lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical
impulses. Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at
the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three
at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less
than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel
movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned
back and BAM, BAM, BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It
seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it
was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big
block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into
holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the
wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I
know all about electric fences, but Dad always had those
piece of crap chargers made by International or whoever that
were like 9 volts and just kind of tickled. This one I could
not let go. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting
signals from me through the perma-damp Ark-La-Tex River
bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to
just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of
gas.

'Damn,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80%
humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill
me. God did not take me that day, he left me there covered
in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity
had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire. I woke
up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was
beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was
sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had
been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where
the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on
to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting
thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a
few things:

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right
butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not
smell as bad as you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sum***** now.. Seriously! I
think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or
something, because it was better than new after that.

7- My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are
almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while
thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this?)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for
things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I
always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged
before I mow. The good news, is that if a burglar does try
to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my
security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and
fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple
check before I mow.

[The_Breeze]

LMFAO!!! Tears in my eyes. Don't be surprised if this shows up in unexpected places. It's just too good not to share. Hope you find yourself on the mend.