A cautionary tale.
My dad died yesterday.
Not sudden, but expected.
No condolences needed, but I respect you for the thought.
My sister whom I haven't allowed near us for the last 40years(by us I mean our clan, who in turn understood the same and the speculative 'why' of it all) happened to be in Vegas at the time.
We messed up, invited her over despite the kids and husband she abandoned 35 years ago being there...(we never abandoned him while he raised those kids, nor after. This is what clan is. He's at the deathbed of man who hasn't been his father in law for 40 years)
Everyone sucked it up, saying it was 40 years ago, dad said she's doing fine, while we don't really know, dad would have protected us if it was warranted. it's her dad too, yadda yadda.
She refused to speak with anyone screamed like the lady on the Simpsons who throws cats, stole my dad's wallet, stole my uncles car(stolen, gone forever, unfindable in another state type stole), took my dad's morphine(and in what I think must have been pure evil, didn't give him any. We and hospice nurse found him writhing in pain) , she was there a few hours before us(she pulled the wool right over an experienced hospice nurses eyes with 'I've done this before as a side job).
Did not ask about her grandkids, didn't acknowledge how two of her boys are married to doctors and what the boys might be doing or how they're doing, made my other sister cry uncontrollably.
Honest to God on highest, I went back(in my head) to old movies from reefer madness to Carnival of Souls, to every movie about awful people I could think of and I couldn't begin to composite my sister from any of them. I have never ever met anyone in the whole damn world like that.
Me:'Jody, if you don't want to sit with the people you know, come on out on the back porch, I'll sit cross legged on the floor with you, while kathy, whom we both don't know, tells us funny stories about your grandma kate'
Her Answer 'why in the hell would give a give a shit about stories about some old dead woman'
Me: so you can earn a spot in the family or clan or both with just a smile and few head nods.
Her: I don't want you here, he's my dad, I'll be back when all the cars are gone.(HERE is the uncles house. He hadn't seen her in 45 years when she was 12)
We're going over to inventory my 85 year old uncles(not REALLY an uncle and almost no contact in 50 years and he's not REALLY my dad, he's a very loved step-dad) home to see what else is missing. I couldn't run her off because the uncle whom I don't know didn't want the cops and conflict.
I'm going to try to talk Kathy (I've had smile and a nod contact once since 1973 when she was 6)into letting me pay for the missing car so Kathy can buy her dad a replacement.
No death certificates for a while so no way for me to close accounts.
Car was in my dads name(uncle never transferred it) all she has to say is
'he told me I could drive it'.
Just a one-sided tale, nothing more.
Please live vicariously through this one.
She has been out of prison for about ten years. Dad lied to us every day about what she was.