Thor Forums

[tiffstoe]

Hi, I’m 52 years old from Southern California. About a year ago my husband and I bought a Windsport 34J. It was our 3rd motorhome. After camping with kids in cramped C class coaches, this one was going to be our biggest dream motorhome yet that had room for everything and with the kids now grown we had big plans to travel and see the country together.
On our maiden voyage about 2 hours into our trip, my husband got ill and pulled over alongside the road. It was obvious that I needed to get him to a hospital but I had never driven a motorhome before, I was always the passenger. Nevertheless, my husband was sick and I needed to handle it. So I drove him white knuckled in the RV to the nearest hospital in the middle of nowhere, AZ. After 4 and a half months of hospitalization and 2 hospital transfers to get him to the best specialists, my husband died in August 2022 age 54 of necrotizing pancreatitis.

Amidst my horrible grief, I have been left alone with this huge 36’ motorhome that I’ve only driven once in an emergency. The obvious solution is to sell it but for some reason I have an attachment to it that I cannot shake. I think it is because he and I had great plans with it. We were going to make great memories traveling together but he never even got to sleep in it once. Ironically I slept in it in the hospital parking lot by myself for nearly a week.

Since then, I have been learning to drive it and have taken friends on a few camping trips to help distract me from my grief. My attachment to it has now grown even stronger. I feel like I should be taking those big trips we dreamed of, to fulfill what we set out to do. But everyone thinks I’m crazy to get out there alone on the road and I might agree with them. I mean, what am I really going to do once I reach a destination? Just sit by myself with a drink and a view? Go hiking somewhere and fall down by myself with no one to help me? My kids are young adults with jobs so they can’t go with me. At 52 I’m fairly young to be a widow, and my friends are still working so there’s really no one who can come with me. Some days I feel courageous and want to plan trips, make my husband proud, but other days I want to just sell it, crawl into bed and hide. I know what my husband would say if he could see me driving this thing all by myself, he’d say “that’s bad a** I knew you could do it!”
Am I asking you what I should do or am I just venting? I don’t know but I guess any advice or conversation about this is welcomed.